[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai pizza cats Oooh yeah!♪
♪ Who do you call when you want Some pepperoni?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza cats♪
♪ They're stepping out crime♪
♪ And you know That ain't baloney♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche, He's the leader of the bunch♪
♪ A heck of a fighter Makes a heck of a lunch♪
♪ And little Polly Esther Who's never afraid♪
♪ Of going into battle When the bad guys invade♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovis, A wild romantic rover♪
♪ This cat gets down, down With a love hangover♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats They're so bad♪
♪ They've got more fur than any Turtle ever had!♪
♪ They're stronger Than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than dirt♪
Stronger than dirt.
♪ Step on their tails♪
Get off of my tail!
♪ And you're gonna get hurt♪
Don't hurt me!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town!♪
♪ Three, two, one, Pizza Cats are on the run!♪
♪ The Big Cheese is the villain, Who's lower than low♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird And some nasty Ninja Crowes♪
♪ As soon as someone Finds the script♪
♪ We might begin the show♪
♪ Sit right back, Pick up your feet♪
♪ And turn the sound up high♪
♪ And if you want the full effect go eat a pizza pie!♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
[narrator] It's morning in Little Tokyo,
and at the Palace, the Emperor rises to greet another day.
Like all of history's great leaders, the Emperor is wise,
he's in control, he's got a lot of fans,
he's also got some serious dragon breath.
But meanwhile, across town--
Hm, so this is my monster?
He's not very scary is he?
[Jerry] Well, some of the parts were back ordered.
Hm.
I wanted a scary monster.
Walkie-Talkie will be the perfect robot for our plan,
if you just let me explain how he works, your cheesiness.
I should have kept Freddy Krueger's number.
Even his name is stupid. Walkie-Talkie.
But since I already had to pay for it,
How's this thing supposed to help us secede the emperor?
Walkie-Talkie tells people what they want to hear,
and plays the drum on his chest, which emits power
from mesmerizer beams.
The people will begin to dance uncontrollably,
and will obey any ridiculous suggestions like
put your money into SNLs, or in this case,
overthrow the emperor.
Then we install you as head honcho.
I like the dancing uncontrollably part. Fire it up.
Right. Mesmerize them, Walkie-Talkie.
Impressive. I'm just terrified.
I think I forgot to wind him up.
A wind-up monster?
The original plans called for a gasoline engine,
but with the price of fossil fuels,
and the atmosphere deteriorating,
it just seemed like a better idea.
Geez, what is this? It's supposed to be a monster,
for crying out loud. Who cares if it gets terrible gas mileage?
[narrator] Later that day, the streets of Little Tokyo
honk to the sound of a different drummer.
Big bang, choco-la.
Ticky, tacky, tacka-la.
Wiggie, waggie, wagga-la. Hokie pokie, jelly belly.
Saki waki nice and smelly. Framan frolly jim jaw,
horse hair pie. Cracka bone alone.
Ticky-walla chick pea. With the razzo berry,
with a razzo berry, with a razzo berry, huh!
This is the monster Big Cheese sent us? I don't get it.
[narrator] Of course, Bad Bird didn't get a high
school diploma either.
But he did get a pair of special headphones,
which he would need to screen out Walkie-Talkie's
memorizer beams.
Hey, babba looey, hey, pepperoni.
Hey barbeque-ee, hey, bag of booty.
Come quit your job, come quit your working,
come do the dance, can feel your body jerkin'.
Take it easy now. Take it easy now.
You should be happy. We'll all be happy.
Come, follow me. Come, do the dance.
Let's go to the palace now. See the emperor's flat feet.
He's a pumpkin eater. He's no kind of leader.
Throw out the emperor. Throw out the emperor.
[all] Throw out the emperor.
I can't believe these people fell for it. Oh, no.
I'm so excited, I could just blow.
[yells]
Emperor must go. Emperor must go. Emperor--
--must go. Emperor must go.
That chick's the one that's got to go.
[narrator] And so the Big Cheese had them dancing
in the streets.
But it was a sinister somber, indeed.
For under Walkie-Talkie's spell, the good people were converging
on the palace convinced that the emperor had done
them wrong.
I smell that rotten cheese behind all this.
I will remain calm. Samurai Pizza Cats?
A mysterious force is making people dance wildly,
and threatening to destroy our entire way of life.
Must be rat music.
How can anyone feel like dancing in this heat?
-They're on their way. -No, we're not!
Then tell Big Al that yourself, okay?
That's different. To the shoots, cats!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They make great pizza But that ain't all♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're ready to fight When you need them just call♪
♪ They know how to stop crime Just do what they say♪
♪ If you don't want a bad time, Stay out of their way♪
Oh, I love those cats.
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ The heroes who always Wear fur♪
Ready?
A Pizza Cats' launch.
And without so much as a comment from Francine.
Overthrow the emperor. Overthrow the emperor.
[crowd] Overthrow the emperor. Overthrow the emperor.
I should have figured Big Cheese would send me
a do-it-yourself monster.
[Guido] Times up, birds.
Sounds to me something furry this week, huh.
Rats, it's the cats.
It's Guido to you, egg layer,
and I'm here to tell you whatever evil plot
you were hoping to hatch, the game's up.
And I'm Polly Esther. I'm kissing crime goodbye.
They call me Speedy Cerviche.
I love that name.
[all] We're Pizza Cats.
What, do they guys think I don't know their names by now?
I read the credits, too, you know.
Robot, attack!
Hey, hey, hey, fellas.
You are the coolest cats, aren't you?
What?
Everybody wants to fly with the Pizza Cats, don't they?
We usually don't say so ourselves, but--
So brave, so heroic, such clean outfits.
Of course he's right. I mean, just look at us.
Who wouldn't want to be a Pizza Cat?
And we have a lot more fun than that crabby old Bad Bird.
Guido, you are quite the romantic.
Well, let's just say it's too bad for the girls
that there isn't more of me to go around.
And you, Polly.
I'm sure a kitty with whiskers like yours
must have the pick of the litter.
Oh, you're too kind. Yes, yes, it's true! It's all true!
Huh? What about me, huh? What about me?
Ah, well, Speedy, you--
Well, uh, you're a great--
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?
[narrator] Well, in fact, Walkie-Talkie couldn't think
of a way to flatter Speedy.
-A big furball. -A great big furball!
Uh, no, no, no.
Tuna breath, funny looking, flea bitten furball.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Say, listen birdo buddy, you're killing my act here.
I'm just telling them what they want to hear.
-Really? -Hey, what's with all
the whispering over there?
My dear Speedy, please don't let him upset you.
Remember, birds are cold-blooded creatures,
I bet I know what you need.
A sardine and liver sandwich
with a big kosher pickle on the side.
Am I correct?
What do you say?
Come on, Speedy, my friend. It's on me, huh?
Ah, well, why not? I could use a bite.
Sure. And Guido, Polly, come with us.
[narrator] Never once to pass up a free meal,
our heroes show off their dainty table manners.
Eat hearty, my friends. Anything you like.
More mackerel for me, if you don't mind.
And I'll have another bucket of those lobster nuggets.
How about some Welsh rabbit?
Sheesh, the rate these cops are eating,
this is going to cost us a whole lot of these little beads.
Don't worry. Cheese is made of money.
Besides, it's a good write off.
Hey, Bird man.
Oh, why don't you two come down
and eat with us like civilized people?
Those are our enemies down there, you idiot.
Oh, big deal. They're very nice.
Yikes!
You see? It's not so terrible now, is it?
What do we say?
May I join you, Pizza Cats?
Of course you may. Would your badness care for some lemonade?
This is weird.
How about another one, Polly?
Oh, no, no. I've had quite enough.
My figure, you know. Polish it off.
[narrator] Little did Polly know that 'polish'
was the secret word the ninja crows were waiting for.
What kind of jerk would use 'polish' as a secret
word anyway?
You're outnumbered now, cats!
I'm surprised they remembered to show up.
Fearless leader! There's no way we can afford
to feed all these beaks.
Dinner is for everybody.
[all] Three cheers for Bad Bird!
One hundred dinners coming up!
Hey, chef. I got good news, and I got bad news.
Thanks, Walkie-Talkie.
I remember when I was just a fledgling,
my father gave me some advice.
If you find yourself at a party with a cucumber on your head,
go home.
Bad Bird gave you that doggy bag
to take even after all the food that we ate there?
That's right.
Maybe we've all misjudged Bad Bird.
Maybe he's not so mean after all.
He throws a mean party, I'll give him that.
Hey, where have you been?
You've been gone for hours, and this place has been a cell!
What were we supposed to do?
[screams]
[narrator] By now, the teaming mob had surrounded the palace.
Instead of a criminal, we brought back a crumpet.
Blasted bird!
[explosion]
[narrator] Bad Bird's doggy bag had turned out
to have a nasty bite to it.
And now the pizza shop was in shambles.
Francine was a tad miffed.
I'm a tad miffed. Just whose side are you guys on, anyway?
We were dupes, alright. It was just a plot.
I'm going to fix that motor-mouth robot.
I'm going to pull their eyes in!
Throw out the emperor! Throw out the emperor!
How nice. The people have gathered to cheer the emperor.
Not exactly.
How dare you, Al Dente.
What other explanation could there possibly be?
Oh, forgive me, princess. But it seems someone
is spreading ugly rumors about the emperor.
What kind of rumors?
Oh.
They say he's flat footed, has bad breath,
and snores, and likes to eat cake frosting
right out of the can.
Of course he does.
Those are all the little things that I love about him.
Yeah, it's great and everything, but the people are really
ticked off. They want to overthrow him.
I already called the Pizza Cats, don't let him kill me.
Silly, he just had a call on the big white telephone.
[narrator] Well, the emperor had better make it quick,
because out in the streets is a revved up robot.
And some of those beaks under those hats look familiar too.
You set the explosives at the palace gate?
-Yes, boss. -Good.
When the gate blows, we rush in and--
[yells] [explosion]
Idiot! I told you to blow up the gate, not the bridge!
What happened? Who moved those explosives?
[Speedy laughs]
We moved the explosives, Bad Bird.
And now your party's over.
[both] It's time to face the Pizza Cats, feather brains.
Give up, or we introduce ourselves again!
You won't have time, hair ball.
Attack!
[yelling]
Ninjas, get up out of the water and fight!
You're on your own, worm breath.
Speedy!
What a brave warrior you are.
Thank you.
He's using the same old trick. Don't you remember?
You have to remind me so hard?
-Obviously we did. -See?
Maybe they'll finish each other off.
-Exactly my plan. -Huh?
Just watch. This is my secret weapon.
It'll have them at each other's throats in no time.
Peter Piper picked a pack of pickle peppers.
A pack of pickle peppers Peter Piper--
What in the world is that supposed to mean?
Anyone with half a brain, knows it means
that this Peter Piper guy is some sort of farmer.
I don't care about pickle peppers,
I want to know what it has to do with fighting.
Come on, Guido. Fight, fight.
Don't let that albino talk to you that way.
Who are you calling albino, you mix-breed cat?
Tabby! How dare you say that to me, you feeble feline!
You've got some nerve!
-Well, it's true! -I'll get you both!
Rubber baby bugger boo--
His springs running down.
Weird.
I was so angry just a minute ago.
Reminds me about that bad brown catnip we got.
We'd better call the rescue team.
See the world, they said.
Excitement and adventure, they said.
All the rescue team ever does is clean up.
Bat Cat, the Pizza Cats are in trouble at the palace.
Like I was saying, I love this job.
All set now, hit it.
Rubber baby buggy bumpers. Rubber-- wha--
Hold it!
I, lighting ninja, arrest you.
Hey, who said you can be lighting ninja?
And you can't arrest anybody, Bat Cat.
You're just the rescue team.
Speedy, you've all been mesmerized
by that stupid robot over there.
You better snap out of it quick.
Get them, Walkie-Talkie.
How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a--
I can match mouths with you any day robot tongue.
[rambling]
[narrator] Walkie-Talkie
had turn the Pizza Cats against each other.
Would Bat Cat be licked by the twitter-tonic tongues too?
Hot tot tutor tatta, hot, tot tot, tot, tot,
Forty fresh fish fought five
French fisherman for a full night.
Willy wood wagons with white wall wheels wear well.
She sells seashells by the seashore.
[continues]
[narrator] And so they went through the night
and into the next day.
Walkie-Talkie's hypnotic affect jammed by Bat Cat's
nonstop chattering.
That he's thistle the thistle center, thi-thi-thi-
Most is the post is toast is roasted.
[Polly] I can't believe Bad Cat's still talking!
Where'd he learn all those rhymes?
Three years spent in first grade, huh?
-Bat Cat. -Hey, little buddy.
Is it over?
Are you alright, Bat Cat?
I'm okay, but look at motor mouth.
Just goes to show, rhyme doesn't pay, Bad Bird.
Get up, you bucket of bolts. You can't quit now.
The battle is not over!
Now you will dance to your doom.
My hands. What' happening to me?
My feet!
I can't stop.
Not the Hokie Pokie!
Watch it now. Watch it, watch it, alright.
Dance on, Pizza Cats, while I slice you to Siamese sushi
Lucille, why can't you be true?
[yelling]
I got to talk to my agent.
Get on your feet, Bad Bird. It's check out time.
Now that Lucille's soften them up for you, right?
That's not it. I was about to get him myself.
[narrator] Polly sure knew how to get a cat's coat,
but she knew that kidding was over when Speedy
reached for the magical Ginzu sword!
Drafted by smiths and myth of legend,
forged in the fires against evil, and not available
in any stores. The Ginzu sword and Speedy Cerviche
wield the magic.
Hi-yah!
[explosion]
Googledoesn't cover this.
This is going to be one expensive cartoon.
Once again, justice triumphs.
[both] Ta-dah.
So your talking robot failed, and that emperor
is still in power. I told you so.
So no explosion today?
-Of course not. -Thank you, Big Cheese.
I was so sure he'd be in a fondue over the emperor.
I wasn't even going to tell him the robot was totaled,
or that the bill from the restaurant was--
[gasps]
You worthless-winged weasels!
[explosion]
Once again, the city's safe for a catnap.
Because defenders of justice never sleep.
Do they?
[yawns]
[crack]
On the next--
Pizza Cats.
[narrator] The Pizza Cats find themselves
up to their anchovies in customers as the pizza
parlor experiences its biggest rush since they offered free
bicarbonate with their free pizza.
Who's next?
Things finally get so bad, that the Pizza Cats must
hire a part-time helper.
But when they put an ad in the paper,
Bad Bird applies for the job.
I want a weak off with pay.
Meanwhile, on the other side of town,
Big Cheese's latest scheme runs into a snag:
his workers refuse to continue to work until they're paid.
Even crows have to eat, master.
Faced with no other applicants, the Pizza Cats find themselves
forced to go against their gut feelings and hire Bad Bird.
But he surprises our heroes, and performs like
a model employee.
He's going to get us fired!
[narrator] Will Big Cheese solve his labor problems,
and reveal his wicked plan?
Will our heroes survive long enough to keep their jobs?
Will Bad Bird quite the crime business and make a fortune
running a chain of macro-bionic fast food restaurant?
Find out next time on "Pizza Bird delivers"
on the next Samurai Pizza Cats!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Samurai Pizza Cat fan club oath.
The Pizza Cats are samurai,
and I'd like to note:
their antics take your breath away
like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed.
We never call a retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
we land upon our feet.
[narrator] So hail to thee, oh, Pizza Cat.
Please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink,
-we know you'll fight like-- -Pizza Cats!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ We hope you liked the show,♪
♪ It's the best That we could do♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ If you could do better, Then we'd leave it up to you♪
♪ Just a reminder, You might like to know♪
♪ The cats will be back For another big show♪
Oh, gosh.
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime Oh, yes♪
♪ All over town♪
♪ Two, four, six, eight♪
♪ Why do we expectorate?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
Read all the credits so you'll know who did the work.
♪ Samurai Pizza cats♪